InsaneJournal

Breaking the Boy

“I blew the gym teacher. In the showers.”

Brian paused, waiting for his words to sink in. He was sprawled on the bed in a practiced pose; body loose and legs splayed wide in a way he knew looked good – after all he had Michael’s eyes to tell him so. In the small room he was all smirk and bravado, shirt too tight, eyelids heavy and the red line of his lips somehow gone wrong; a lot of things a 14-year old shouldn’t be.

“In my clothes, I got down on my knees and fucking did it.”

The words sounded big and they rightly should, he’d been rehearsing them all the way over there, imagining the look on Michae­l’s face. He was not disappointed when he heard a choked “Wha… Brian, fuck, you did fucking what?” There was a slight edge of hysteria to Michael’s voice, and that, Brian couldn’t help feeling, was a reward in itself. It deserved a repeat.

“I went right in and sucked him off.”

This is how it should be done, Brian thought as he watched Michael’s eyes grow wider. He smiled, a slow curve, teeth catching his bottom lip. All this – it was easy, it was fun.

“What… , Mr. Johnson? Did he… did you … how?”

“There’s pretty much only one way you can do that, and even you Mikey must know how it works.” Brian’s voice was steady, his eyes gauging Michael’s, and there was that curve to the mouth again. “I saw him standing there all wet, cock in his hand, and I just went for it. Before he knew what was happening I had him against the wall, and he sure wasn’t complaining when I got to my knees. He loved it, he fucking loved my mouth.”

Brian edged nearer to the foot of the bed where Michael seemed to occupy as little space as possible. “See? My hair is still wet.” He leaned a little closer as if to show, and then all but whispered in Michael’ ear “And I let him come in my mouth.” He pulled back and there it was – Michael’s eyes inexorably falling to his lips, the gaze shocked and open and yearning.

“What are you going to do now? Are you two… are you going to do it again?”

“No fucking way” – Brian’s words came clear and crisp, and just a fraction too fast. “Don’t be a twat, why would I want that. I’ve already had him.” There was a pause as Brian took out a cigarette and lit it, then moved to lie on his back, one hand under his head, the other extending across the comforter. For a moment he looked straight at Michael, then smiled and beckoned, “Come here”. He waited for Michael to crawl next to him and get comfortable, then pulled him closer and put the cigarette between his lips.

They stayed like that, the glow of the cigarette moving between them. “This is it Mikey, this is where it all starts. There’s a whole world out there, and I am gonna fuck my way through it. You’ll see.”

In the dark, on the small bed, Michael believed him.

*

But it wasn’t quite how it happened, not really.

Years later he will mostly remember water. There was water everywhere, clinging to his skin and hair, water in his eyes and ears, his clothes a wet weight; all faintly uncomfortable, all unimportant. He had no plan beyond going in, and then just kept on walking until there was nothing before him but the naked man and the wall behind him. Now that it was done he stood there, looking up into the sharp face of the gym teacher, thinking come on, fucking come on.

Nothing happened. Nothing happened and for a moment Brian thought he somehow had it all wrong. Then the man moved, raising his hand to Brian’s face and tipping his chin up into the spray, so there was nothing for it but to close his eyes. He couldn’t hear anything past the sound of the drops hitting the tiles, but that was alright, the single point of contact enough to steady him.

“What do you think this is. kid?” The hand was gone, and Brian fought down the instinct to follow it, instead letting his eyes travel down, pointedly, before looking back up.

“You know what this is, Mr. Johnson, sir,” came a quick reply, the last word an obvious taunt. But before Brian had time to smirk he was spun round, his back hitting the wall. “Yeah”, suddenly there was a face close to his and a body right there, and he could feel the warmth, the sensation prickling his skin like tiny electric jolts, unnerving but not unwelcome. “Yeah, I know what this is,” the teacher added crowding Brian even more and framing his head, forearms resting against the wall.  “I just don’t think you do.”

Any reply Brian might have had was made redundant by the insistent press of lips and the strong body pushing him into the wall. It only took a second before he found himself pinned down and spread wide, his face gripped tight, a tongue in his mouth and a heavy thigh parting his legs, everything happening at the same time.

There was a half-formed thought that it wasn’t supposed to be like this, but it was swept away by a wave of pleasure that started deep within him; held in place, Brian couldn’t look down, couldn’t move, but could feel a hand squeezing and rubbing. The touch was rough, or maybe it was only the wet fabric that made it seem so, and Brian was gasping, turning his head to draw some air.

Inside, a small bubble of panic threatened to break to the surface. He had never kissed a boy before. He wasn’t sure when the hands holding his face let go, but he was being stroked, prying hands skimming his arms, counting ribs, palms flat on his belly, prodding and pinching, and then squeezing his ass, causing his hips to cant up involuntarily just in time to be ground into. He had never kissed a boy before, and now he was being kissed by a man, relentlessly and without hesitation.

And it was good. Oh, it was so good, his whole body alive with the need and shocked at the pleasure pulled from him, so different when it wasn’t his own hand unzipping and reaching inside, everything so strange, and wonderful.

The thought was cut dead the moment the hand moved with purpose. And kept on moving up and down, his cock trapped in a tight circle, the rhythm fast and unforgiving; not an experience designed to last. Brian was choking on the sounds that escaped him – there might have been a please, and a yes and no, and don’t and then yes again, the words rolling down his tongue before the mouth returned to eat them all up.

Eyes closed, Brian felt as if he were standing in the rain – there must be such rains somewhere in the world, the kind that steal your breath and leave you defenceless, the kind that beat down on you, disorienting, making you lose your way.

Anyone could get lost.

And he did too, finding his way back only when his body finally yielded, and Brian heard himself cry out, the sound made bigger by the small space. He was held, a strong arm in his middle, and there were kisses, more kisses, on the corner of his mouth, on the nose, one for each eye, hair stroked back from his face.

“You did good kid.” One more deep breath and then he was being moved away from the wall, a change of places, and a heavy hand on his shoulder pushing him down to his knees, easy as that. He only had time to think that the tiles really were rather hard under his knees before his mouth was pried open and filled. There was another fleeting moment in which to think that all this was happening so fast, before that thought too was chased away by the need to breathe.

In and out, steady hands guiding his head up and down, and the panic was back, rising slowly beneath his skin. There wasn’t enough air, water still falling and steam billowing all around them, not enough air with a rhythm he did not control, and all Brian could do was push his arms into the wall, willing himself to calm down.

He must have made a sound because there was a voice – “Keep. Keep going.” He tried, but each time the man went deeper, and the fear of choking was growing ugly in Brian’s mind until it was too much. Then he really was choking, head snapping back past the strong arms keeping him in place, gasping for air.

Seconds later his face was hit with something hot and sticky, some of it catching in his open mouth, and yeah, Brian thought, it was over.

He wanted to get up but there was a curt “Stay” and a hand holding him down while the man brushed his lips and face clean. The whole thing couldn’t have been more than ten minutes, but already it was becoming a blur in Brian’s mind.

It was a fuck.

He stayed on his knees as the water was turned off, he stayed there while the teacher dried himself and started towards the lockers.  He was still on his knees when the man turned back and said “Don’t get any ideas, this is it kid. And it never happened.”